Sunday, 27 February 2011

Jokes to Robble

- According to etiquette, men do it while standing, ladies do it seated, and dogs do it with one leg raised. That's right, it's a handshake.

- A blonde and a redhead are watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from a Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.
Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said: "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said: " No A bets a bet."
So the redhead said, "Listen I have to admit I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied: "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

- Boy: Do you have a pen?
Girl: Yeah, here you go.
Boy: Umm..its out of ink.
Girl: What?
Boy: It doesn't work.
Girl: Are you sure?
Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, you try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

- *Listening to your iPod*
Friend: What're you listening to?
You: This song *Passes headphones*
Friend: This song's old -__-
You: SO?! YOUR MUM'S OLD BUT YOU STILL LISTEN TO HER!
Friend: ...

- The lesbians next door asked me what I would like for my birthday.
I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex.
It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch".

- Five Deadly Words Used By A Women:
#1:Fine:This is the word women used to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
#2:Nothing:This means something, and you should be wary.
#3:Go Ahead:This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it!
#4:Whatever:Is a woman's way of saying F- YOU!
#5:That's okay: Means she wants you to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will

-Someone hacked into a blonde's computer account. The password was: MickeyGoofyPlutoDaisyCinderellaShrekDonkeyFionaWashingtonD.C. When asked why she had such a long password she replied that she was told it had to have at least eight characters and one capital.

- If I sleep to much, my parents complain. If I don’t get enough sleep, my parents complain. If I eat too much, my parents complain. If I don’t eat enough, my parents complain. If I’m always in my room, my parents complain. If I go out too much, my parents complain. I CAN’T WIN.

- When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C. The Russians used a pencil.

- ADDED TO DICTIONARY:
Mubarak(v.): To stick something, or to glue something. Example: "I will punch you and Mubarak you to the wall" OR "you can Mubarak the pieces to hold them together"
Mubarak (adj.): Slow to learn or understand. Example: "Why do you have to be so mubarak?!"
Mubarak (n.): A psychotic ex-girlfriend who fails to understand it's over

- Your car is Japanese. Your Vodka is Russian. Your pizza is Italian. Your kebab is Turkish. Your democracy is Greek. Your coffee is Brazilian. Your movies are American. Your beers are German. Your shirt is Indian. Your oil is Saudi Arabian. Your electronics are Chinese. Your numbers are Arabic, and your letters Latin. And you complain that your neighbor is an immigrant? Pull yourself together! like if you're against racism!

Xx
The Gypsy

3 comments:

  1. Hmm... You surely don't mean "A psychotic ex-boyfriend...?" ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I really liked that part about the astronaut pen..

    ...my family keeps telling this joke nows ;

    "What do you call them maids who live for cleaning?"

    "Homo Soapiens"

    ReplyDelete

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