Thursday, 14 November 2013

Up Until November

Cause, apart from a few poems, I never updated after July, did I?
I think I've mentioned it before, but there is a trend about my posting:
- Either I'm too depressed to
- Or I'm too busy (happy) to.

Lately, I've been content, really.
Not specifically happy. (About some parts of my life, yes. But not in general.)
But not specifically I-want-to-kill-myself-grieved, either. (Which is good. Very good.)
There will be a day (sooner rather than later) when I'll actually do something about that down/meh- feeling.

I know I'm not happy because, honestly? I haven't tried to be.
I've just been waiting. I've been doing what I have to do (school, mostly). But apart from that, sleep, and the occassional break (which are fun and full of happiness), I've been mostly waiting. For "it".
Not sure when "it" will come. Or if it will at all. Might be I just have to drag myself off my butt and do "it".

Here's everything (or everywhere?) that's been happening since July.

1. I went to Eastbourne, in July. Watching over  a total of 60 kids (distributed over two weeks)

2. I went to Greece in August. Paros and Athens. Bad idea, in the summer.  Seeing as I can't cope with heat. But brilliant otherwise. Very pretty country. Not so cool people.

3.  Followed up by a visit to Germany. Wernigerode is the cutest little town in the Harz mountain range. Walked a lot. Then went to Berlin. Visit all those highlights and must-sees. Walked more.

4. Spent two weeks with my family in South of Limburg. Day trips to Germany and lots of swimming pool time. I think my hair hated me by the end of the summer holiday).

5. Started school. And orienting myself. This year: No physical classes. A challenge. And peace.

6. Walked a tour in Brussels. Good experience, leading around professionals in my branche.

7. Managed to score an internship for April 2014. (Will update more about that when I hear where I'm going. That's a small excitement HIGH point in my life)

8. Finished my personal profiles in September (when half the class was still doing their minor. Then did very little - for school- for a month). Now their minor is done. So I've got no head start to brag about.

9. Scored a graduation thesis. Just handed in the project plan this week
Not super excited, but this is going to be "okay". I hope.

10. Accompanied and helped out DIO with another kid- camp. I swear. Kids are starting to grow on me. And they're making me change my mind. Or is that my biological clock slowly ticking in the background?

So a lot going on. Yet little.
Home schooling myself is both relaxed and stressful at the same time.
Oh, the irony.

One thing that never fails to make me happy is this, though:

The Gypsy

Friday, 27 September 2013

Being twenty something...

Inspired by a post a friend of mine posted, she made me realize something:
People put too much meaning in the age of someone.
"Age is just a number" isn't just a cliché.

I noticed how 9 out of 10 times, I gave the wrong answer to the question "How old are you?" if I did not rack my brain first and think before I answered.

Truly, I forget my age. All of the time.
And I wish more people would.

Growing up, as a child, I could not wait to hit my tenth year. Two digits were more than one, after all, and thus sounded way more dignified.
Once the two digits were reached, the next goal was 16.
At 16, my mum would allow me this freedom or that one.

At 16... I could not wait till I turned 18.
18, after all, meant my own driver's license.
Which I got. Quite soon after. Not only because of the reasons of freedom people generally get their license for.
And then I started the countdown till 21 (though by now, becoming gradually more aware that counting up and a downside), because 21 meant that I was officially an adult in any country that mattered.

I think that, personally, I stopped after I reached that goal.

In Egypt, people defined age differently, if you are a girl. At 16 till 18, you're wanted, desired. At 21, you needed to get out there and get yourself engaged. At the age of 25, if you're not married, then you should better get your butt out there and try harder. At the age of 29, it's hopeless. You'll probably be a single old cat lady. Forever.

Everywhere, though, there are age definitions. In your twenties, you roll into your adulthood. Slowly but surely, you get to know more responsibilities. Worries. Tasks. The world gets slightly heavier.
You get your first "grown up" paycheck. Then, though this age has shifted hugely in the west, your thirties and forties are the time you settle down. Your first house. Getting married (or hey, a steady relationship). Kids? Retirement.

Drastic, yes? So forget those molds.
Quit your job. Or don't. Change your mind. Do something crazy. Write a book. Keep a diary. Make new friends. Let things go. Explore the world. Explore the people around you. Discover new hobbies, talents, and desires.

Wander the street in your twenties.
Learn something new in your thirties.
Fall in love with something/someone new in your forties.
Go back to school in your fifties.

Nothing is holding you back.
Certainly not your age.
Age... it's just a number, after all.

The Gypsy

Monday, 16 September 2013

I love my job ... if I'd have one.

I love my job, I love the pay!
I love it more and more each day.
I love my boss, he is the best!
I love his boss and all the rest.

I love my office and its location,
I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray,
And piles of paper that grow each day!

I think my job is really swell,
There's nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my peers,
I love their leers, and jeers, and sneers.

I love my computer and its software;
I hug it often though it won't care.
I love each program and every file.
I'd love them more if they worked a while.

I'm happy to be here. I am. I am.
I'm the happiest slave of the Firm, I am.
I love this work, I love these chores.
I love the meetings with deadly bores.

I love my job - I'll say it again -
I even love those friendly men.
Those friendly men who've come today,
In clean white coats to take me away!
- Unknown

Monday, 9 September 2013

I measure every Grief I meet..

I measure every Grief I meet With narrow, probing, eyes –
I wonder if It weighs like Mine – Or has an Easier size.
I wonder if They bore it long –
Or did it just begin –
I could not tell the Date of Mine –
It feels so old a pain – 
I wonder if it hurts to live –
And if They have to try –
And whether –
could They choose between –
It would not be –
to die –

I note that Some –
gone patient long –
At length, renew their smile –
An imitation of a Light That has so little Oil –
I wonder if when Years have piled –
Some Thousands –
on the Harm –
That hurt them early –
such a lapse Could give them any Balm –

Or would they go on aching still Through Centuries of Nerve – Enlightened to a larger Pain –
In Contrast with the Love –
The Grieved –
are many –
I am told –
There is the various Cause –
Death –
is but one –
and comes but once –
And only nails the eyes –

There's Grief of Want –
and grief of Cold –
A sort they call "Despair" –
There's Banishment from native Eyes –
In sight of Native Air –
And though I may not guess the kind –
Correctly –
yet to me A piercing Comfort it affords In passing Calvary –
To note the fashions –
of the Cross –
And how they're mostly worn –
Still fascinated to presume That Some –
are like my own --

--- Emily Dickinson.

Thursday, 4 July 2013

Up until July

Suddenly 2013 hit half a year.
On the one hand, so much happened. On the other: WHERE did you go, time?!

A rough patch health-wise.
I'm genuinely tired of people asking me if I lost weight.
Yes, I did. 10 kgs in two months, to be exact.
Although I did also gain some back the past few weeks. Woot.
And I know people only ask because they're worried and they care.
So I can appreciate it. A little.

Besides my already wretched list of bacterias and viruses, CMV and Pfeiffer (Mono) got added to those.
Which explains my ready exhaustion. All. The. Time.
My lack of productivity. My sleepiness even after long hours of sleep.
I'm less frustrated at myself now I know what's wrong, though.
That's a pro. :)

What's been happening besides health?

1. Every holiday has been well and happily spent. :)

2. I outran CF. For the third year in a row. Though I missed the CF Beach Dance. :(

3. Celebrated my birthday three times. And got incredibly spoiled.

4. The class went on a study trip to Poland (Krakow) and Czech Republic (Prague) in May. (We flew there on my birthday, to be exact). We slept in a salt mine (135 m under the ground), visited Auschwitz (heavy and intense) , slept in a train to Prague (very uncomfortable), and walked kms and kms (very exhausting), joining our classmates in the most interesting of tours (very cool). Museum, art, bridges, history... Prague is so beautiful I'm definitely putting it on the list again.

I am very happy with my own tour as well, a free (aka themeless) tour in Prague. I scored fine and I got people to laugh, as well as interested in their surroundings. I can say one thing though: I'm NEVER doing themeless again. Just give me a red thread to follow and I'll gladly fill in the blanks.
Don't give me no direction, and competition of 5 other tours in the same city which already cover all the highlights! Damn!

5. I succeeded in closing off my third year of school, no resits, and not too bad marks, for the energy and efforts I managed to put it (with my health rocking like it is). Looking back at the last two school years, I've gained so much experience and general knowledge it's crazy.

6.  Saw the (new)  King and Queen when they visited Zoetermeer.

7. Met up with a lot of friends and family in the past few weeks I hadn't seen in ages.
Which always cheers me up a lot. :)
And I visited Zeeland for the first time ever. I think I've now been in every one of the thirteen Dutch Provinces!

8. Had a Burlesque workshop.

9. Got braces. (Partly. The rest of the metal will be installed in phases. )

10. I just moved out of my room in Breda. Which I'm sad about.
I already miss those girls. And.. my own place.
Cause though my parents are dolls, there's just this slight impossibility of fitting in again once you move out.

Now, I've got two free months ahead.
Free from school, that is, because starting tomorrow, I'm going to be abroad again till the end of August (exlcuding one or two days).
Two months before the stress, drama and deadlines of the final year set it.

A volunteer guiding job in July for Simbo, then pure holidays, exploring and relaxing and chilling and.. already  looking forward to it all :)
I'll probably post an update on all of that after the fact. :)
And I'll try not to wait so long in between posts.

The Gypsy

Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Already the end of March

Where does that wretched time go?
I know "time flies" is an overused cliché, but seriously.
We're already done with a quarter of this year? (Also, it should be spring. Doesn't feel like it is yet, in the least.)
When did that happen?

Probably while I was trying to stick with school assignments that honestly had me bored to death.
While I was visiting places like Belgium and Leb.
While I was attending birthday parties (I've been to a remarkable number in the past three months)
While I dressed up as Miss Matched and a zombie. Because I can.
While I was being sick. Or in pain. Or both.
While I was working on getting better.
While I was catching up with all the deadlines and work I'd missed because I was sick.
While I was preparing my tour for our study trip to Poland and Czech Rep.
While I was enjoying the company of friends and loved ones.
While I was gratefully recognizing how lucky I am.

Lucky for so many reasons.
One too clear and obvious to myself (and those who know me) to point out.
Another because my housemates just rule. They're awesome. All five of them.
Because I still see my friends, still pass everything at school (with high marks), and still beat my body's weaknesses time and time again.
Because I finally got to do a tour again for school (museum, but a tour nonetheless). After all the business and financial plans and reports we've had to write, this was a very welcome change.
Because I've been asked personally to give a guided tour in Breda for guests of the International Conference (how COOL is that?). My name is even on the site (click eet). 
Another because.. Chocolate.
And sushi. And books. Movies. And ice cream.

March in particular has tested me.
Tested my patience. Tested my health. Tested my body's willingness to fight.
And sometimes, through out this month, I gave up. Temporarily.
But then I start thinking again.. About all those reasons to be grateful.
And then I think... life really isn't all that bad. :)
Not even when time flies like a maniac.

I'm happy March is almost over though.
April, here I come. :)

The Gypsy

Saturday, 12 January 2013

A New Year

I caught myself clinging to 2012. 
Usually, I'm all for new years. They bring closure, and hope for health and happiness. 
It doesn't make much sense, as things like resolutions and wishing people happy new years should be done all year round, but I guess it's all psychological. 

This time around, though, I didn't want closure. Or much change. 
2012 has been good to me. I've been lucky. And most things have gone my way.
That realization makes me smile. 
I can only hope 2013 will be as good. Or better. 
I wouldn't mind that one bit :) 

I wish that to everyone else as well:
Have a blast, and a happy and healthy 2013 :) 

The Gypsy