Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Dutch Alexandrian~

If I start by saying that Egyptians and the Lebanese do not consider themselves Arabs, even though the West thinks of the whole block as "the Middle East", does that make any sense?
If not, you're also not going to understand that Alexandrians around sixty years ago (before WWII) also did not consider themselves Egyptians. They weren't, in the strict sense, because cosmopolitan Alexandria had thousands of Italians, Greeks, Lebanese, Armenians, British, Americans, and I can go on. Most of them had been in Alexandria for two or three generations though, but they kept to their own traditions, habits, and languages. They did live side by side, each excepting the others differences. And what did they call themselves? It's pretty much like they have in America right now; African American, Anglo American, Asian American, and so on.

Why am I ranting? Because I find that so interesting, my mind being so "open" I could never identify with being Arab, or Egyptian. I'm not saying being an Arab is something negative, even though I mock stereotypes, I do not believe in generalizations. But at the same time, I cannot say I am completely Dutch. Partly because it feels like I'm betraying some other half, and partly because I do think differently about a lot of things. So, the conclusion: Half Dutch, and Half... Not Egyptian, but Alexandrian. Even though Alexandrians nowadays are mainly Egyptians, I don't care. Maybe I'm fooling me, but I might as well just think up a self-made-up term, because I simply do not belong to either country, or I belong to both.

I don't know if anybody noticed, because I had not noticed myself until just recently, that up till now I have been writing ten entries a month since I started this blog. It was totally unintentional, but I have a theory about next month: I'll either post half or double that amount in May. Why? Because I'll be so busy that I'll either have a lot to say, or no time to say it. xD
Fun stuff, like my birthday, obligatory stuff, like my cousin's wedding, and preparation for that, and icky stuff, like exams. Lots to study. ~scared~ lol

The Gypsy

Monday, 27 April 2009


A man said to the Universe,
"Sir, I exist!"
"However," replied the Universe,
"The fact has not created in me,
A sense of obligation."
- Stephen Crane

Alright, sooo. It's been a while?
I thought I shouldn't write much if I could only complain, because it's ruining my 2009-intentions of being more positive. Though, if I don't type it, yet still think pessimistically, that would just be fooling myself, huh? I'll see. xD

Thing is, I don't feel too bad, mentally, right now. Physically I'm a disaster. But I was born unhealthy, so I should actually be used to ickiness?
You know that feeling that you are needed? Loved? Appreciated?
Like people care what happens to you, and they are certain you care about them too?
That's a pretty good feeling, even if the situation in which you feel is is crappy.
I do hope the situations clear, and the positive feelings stay!

I came to dislike being taken for granted a lot, and try my hardest to make sure everybody I appreciate knows so. Guess that's my "treat others like you wish to be treated yourself" motto.

What else?
Ah, yeah. I met some of the writers who wrote the books we have on our syllabus this year!
And like, actually spoke to them! And and and, Harry Tzalas signed my book! Squeeeee! And took a picture with moi~ And one group picture, too!
Now, I know it's "Just a guy like anybody else", but gosh, a writer! I want to be a writer and sign my own books, one day. I guess the motivation is there, and the writing skills. Just... no creativity? No story to talk of right now, anyways.

I found a poem I loved, so I'm going to share it.
(Yes, whether you're interested or not)


Bear in mind
That death is a drum
Till the last worms come
To answer its call
Till the last stars fall,
Until the last atom
Is no atom at all
Until time is lost
And there is no air
And space itself
Is nothing nowhere
Death is a drum
A signal drum
Calling life
To come!

Oh, and just to make sure I am true to my word (if you've read up till here you'll get this, too):
I really appreciate you guys reading through my blog entries.
The fact that you read and comment, that's just.. awesome.
Much love.

The Gypsy.

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Way of a time to discover something new.

" Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon."
There are days when solitude is a heady wine that intoxicates you with freedom, others when it is a bitter tonic, and still others when it is a poison that makes you beat your head against the wall. "

I have just been reading through my sister's blog.. And I hate to say this.. And I bet she will too, if she ever reads this.. But.. Dang.. That girl is almost as messed up as I am..
Certainly depressed. Self-bashing through out, even though she knows herself it's not being realistic, it's being plain mean. Compulsively obsessive, sadly another flaw we share.

It's true I haven't been obsessed about anything or anyone in weeks, but I've been utterly and completely bored to death through it all. I have no one to talk to, and even if I do I can't talk anymore, it's like I'm rusty.. I have plenty to do, yet it's all mandatory, and thus I do nothing. With plenty I mean reading and researching for college, as well as cleaning up that stable of a room of mine. I have some books I /want/ to read, as well, but of course I can't let myself do that if I don't want to drive myself nuts with guilt about not doing what I'm supposed to do... Which I'm doing now anyways lingering purposelessly online without chatting or even having fun.

Damn. I'm messed up big time. Or should I say we?

And I know mum is depressed. And I know I'd like to blame Egypt and my father for all this but.. we must be doing something wrong.. Dealing with crap the wrong way, or something? I can't think of another solution. It can be genetic? But then.. Gosh, I don't know.. I don't know..

I need my friends. I miss them so much it's physically hurting..

The Gypsy.

Monday, 20 April 2009


That's the name of the baby girl of mum's friend.
She's adorable. Really.
Aaaaaaand! Asian-looking! So much!
That's a first for wishes to come true, for me, in a long while.
I know it's a silly wish, but still. *clings to the fact that it was still a wish*
I went there before I fell ill again.

*Uploads some pictures*

And today, it's Shem Enneseem. A pharaonic feast, to celebrate spring.
More or less like Eastern, I suppose. The egg and bunny part, anyways, I know the other part has to do with Jesus' crucifixion and resurrection.
It's just.. a week late? lol
Anyways, it's always the Monday after the Orthodox Christian Eastern. Which is sometimes at the same time of that of Catholics, and sometimes a week or two later.
*confused herself* x.x
Uhh. Alright. Anyways. Traditional for Shem Enneseem is a salted type of herring (which can be alright, if you like fish. Sometimes. If prepared correctly. ). And another fish, which, the more rotten it is, the better. If it has worms, then it's perfect. And I'm not joking.

The Gypsy.

Sunday, 19 April 2009

Interesting Quotes

Cause that's what I've been keeping myself busy with.
I don't know what else to do with myself, driving me nuts.


It is amazing how complete the delusion is that beauty is goodness.

I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet.

Envy is the most stupid of vices, for there is no single advantage to be gained from it.

The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.

Ask me why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you.

Do I love you because you're beautiful, Or are you beautiful because I love you?
To escape criticism - do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

Tearless grief bleeds inwardly.

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

If cats could talk, they wouldn't.

After scolding one's cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.

The Gypsy.

Thursday, 16 April 2009

I told you so.

I do hate saying that, but I guess love it, too?
=o A love/hate relationship! I'm in one! zomg!
No, seriously. xD
I did say it, though. >.>
Go look up earlier entries if you don't believe me!

What am I talking about? lol
My just-married-in-February-cousin is pregnant.
Yes, I know I totally disagree with that. Here, people don't even know each other that well before getting married. I don't think being pregnant, having morning sickness, and I don't know what else, is a very positive view of each other, for either the hormonal wife or the adjusting husband.
But still, I'm glad for her. Glad for all those that get pregnant when they think they should/want to.

Something else: There are rumors circulating in my family. If they're true, then it's both positive yet scary. But if they're not.. I just don't want to get my hopes up?
We'll see.

The Gypsy.

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Nothing much.

That's right.
A lot happened. But nothing worth mentioning.
Or I just don't want to mention them?

Suffice to say I'm still breathing.
So no need to worry.

What's worth mentioning:
+ Got my.. third mail from the States.
+ I made Conquer work again. But haven't played it yet.
+ We've got new internet starting today. Lets hope it's better.

They Gypsy.

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

Does it ever end?

My art. Being blind is not just a physical thing~

I've been having lung-muscles aches for over 60 hours straight. It started out as a cramp, and it just never stopped cramping. I can't even rest, because even laying down and sitting hurts, and breathing most of all. I've overdosed on painkillers, I even got an injection which was thought to be stronger.. And I'm not a fan of medicine..
And nothing helped. It made me able to breathe a bit, because without it I simply can't move my lungs/arms, but that's it.
Sleep has been close to none, because of the pain, and I was advised not to try taking sleeping pills with my lungs cramping in case something goes wrong and I won't be able to wake up and feel it. So bugger.
I don't know. Wondering if I should go on complaining or just come back when (if) I get better.

The Gypsy

Friday, 3 April 2009


I suddenly have so much to do. x.x

- Read Mrs Dalloway (by Virginia Woolf) [soo complex]
- Read Justine (Alexandria Quarter) by Durrel [soo boring]
- Read Cocktail Party (by T.S. Eliot)
- Reread Cocktails and Camels for presentation work.
- Write an Essay about the Muslim Society in the States. [Ick]
And all this preferably within the next two-three days.

And they won't turn the bloody TV off, so I can't even concentrate (where ever I am in this house).

Brain.. cramps..

The Gypsy

Thursday, 2 April 2009


"Bringing the light into my day
With that Texan smile

Too afraid to love, to hope that you would stay
So broken that I never saw you chase the past away"
- George Micheal

I don't think I have much to say.
If I try, I might sound exceedingly bitter. And I don't specifically want that.
So I best keep quiet.
Better try and do some reading, I suppose.

The Gypsy.