Men Vs Women #1

There is a huge gap between those dwellers that once came from Mars (men), and those that used to live on Venus (women). Plenty of them are trying to close that gap, whether to seek equality or superiority. Personally, I don't agree with the theory that they are equals, neither will I say that one sex is superior to the other. They are just different. They have their own "manual", and their friends of similar gender will understand some things that their partner might never even grasp.

Sometimes, when I'm bored, I'll find myself watching whatever TV the people in the room are watching. (If I happened to be at a location with a TV). There's this funny Dutch show, Boys vs Girls,  with two teams (obviously) that quiz their way through statistics, facts, and overall silliness to reach a point where one of the two teams wins. (Fun fact: First season was a tie, 3 wins each. Second season girls won 4 times, boys 3. Third season the boys won 4 to 3. Season 4, another tie. Thank you Wikipedia)

I do admit though, that even I am a culprit in this stereotyping. I catch myself rolling my eyes and sighing "men...." or "boys will be boys.." more often than not. Obviously, usually around girlfriends. Maybe to find a bond/link or understanding with my own gender, rather than hating on the opposite one. Cause I don't. Hate men. At all.
So watching this episode tonight made me laugh out loud.
Hence, I thought I'd share.

Some of the things that were mentioned:

-- If women have to choose between living alone forever, or being in a relationship with a married man, they would go for the "single"option. Because men already have trouble relegating enough attention on their partner, it would be even worse having to share said attention.
(Maybe some men are better at spending attention than others, but in general, yes, agreed.)

-- Men gain more weight than women do after marriage. (Who knew, that was a tricky one.)

-- Women are so insecure about their own bodies, that 48% would hand in 5 years of their age to get the "perfect body".  (Just imagine ageing 5 whole yea... who am I kidding? Yes please.)

-- Men come up/make more excuses than women do to get out from under the "bed fun".  (Wait, what?)

-- Men's brains are highly specialized to use one hemisphere or the other to accomplish specific tasks. Women's brains use (big parts of)  both hemispheres for every task.

-- Men think women can't drive. They think women sure as hell can't park. Women actually tend to agree. They did this research in the UK a while ago. Turns out women are better drivers than men. +cough+

-- Men have averagely five  items in the bathroom (toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, soap, and a towel), women around 437 (Men can't identify most of these items).

-- Men can focus on narrow issues and completely block out unrelated information. Women naturally see every day things from a "big-picture" broader point of view. (Men can also focus on one specific task or activity for long periods of time, women are better at dividing their attention among multiple tasks or activities).

-- Women have a grocery list of things she needs, then goes out to the store and buys those things. Men wait till their fridge is empty but for something indistinguishable that's gone blue and furry, then goes out to buy everything that looks good, regardless of whether it will fit together in a meal.  (I'm not good at this one. I should work on being more of a woman in this respect.)

-- Women will dress up to go basically anywhere, including (but not exclusively) shopping, to see their friends, putting out the trash, answering the phone, for a date, or reading a book. Men will dress up for weddings or funerals. ( A bit crude, this one. When women were given a choice though, between a man who spent too much time on his looks or a man who cared not at all, they chose for the vain-mirror-man. True story.)

-- Men have a dominant sense, which is vision. Women don't have one dominant sense, all of them work together, and all of a woman's senses are, in some respects, more finely tuned than those of a man.

-- Men are able to compartmentalize information, stimulus, emotions, relationships, etc, into seperate "cabins" or categories. Women tend to link everything together. (The fact that it's rainy outside and you just stubbed your toe against your bedside cabinet does little to improve your mood and therefore it must be karma conspiring against you when also your boyfriend leaves the toilet seat up. Amiright?)

Xx
The Gypsy

My Reading Challenge Update

Procrastinating ol' me, I should really update more frequently!
Here's an update to the Reading Challenge I started in January.
My first intention was to type a book review for each book I read for this challenge.
Maybe I'll stick to doing that for every REALLY GOOD book I read, and group the rest together.
For now, I've got little choice but to group these books I've read so far.
Not because some of them weren't good, but because I'm lazy. :)

Unlike every other resolution, this is one I've managed to keep quite on track with -
I'm actually bordering on obsessed, going at this in a very competitive pace.

So here goes (Warning: Long post ahead)

I think I've now reached the point where it's starting to get difficult to actually tick off three boxes. 

Which is good. 

Can't wait to fill this thing up. 

Maybe I can start over. 

I already mentioned Dreams of Joy by Lisa See in the last post, so I'll continue from book 2:

The Old Man and The Sea, by Ernest Hemingway.

I had to read this book and base an entire city tour on this, back in 2012, for my study trip in Cuba. Havana was Hemingway's "real" home, unlike the States, where he was born and raised.
I must say, I enjoyed reading the book a lot more the second time around. The descriptions, specifically that of "la mar", the sea, are hauntingly beautiful. The style of writing is peculiar, Hemingway is one of the few people that give me a sense or idea of how the author himself used to talk: very few periods, or breaths of air, and a lot of rambling enthusiastic descriptions without pause.
I actually managed to finish it in a day (one of the boxes to tick off). 

The story is simple: A Cuban boy, an apprentice fisherboy, is trying to learn from an Old Man. However, this old Cuban, Santiago, is in an unlucky fase, and hasn't caught any fish in a while, and the boy isn't allowed to join him anymore. 

The old man has faith and hope, and rows his boat deeper into sea than ever before. He hooks on a Marlin, and that's when the fight begins. A fight of desperation, of confidence, of exhaustion, of holding on and not giving up. 

Looking For Group, by Ryan Sohmer and Lar Desouza.

This is quite a different genre: (web) comics are a not so frequent type I read. I seem stuck with a few of my favourites, however, and LFG is one of them. Richard makes for comic relief, and the story is a schizophrenic mix of action and informative backstory, World of Warcraft and Lord of the Rings, plus a little bit of their own creativity.   

The first time around, I'd only read the first 150 pages, more or less. 

This time, re-reading, (it's a sequential comic, you'll need to start from the Beginning) I got to page 855 (the end as it stands now), so that'd be the first 7-8 volumes. 

A Tale of Two Sisters (Dutch: Zus Enzo), by Anna Maxted. 

I read this one in Dutch, partly because that was one of the boxes to be ticked off (originally written in a different language), partly because I don't read enough Dutch books ( I prefer to read in the original language the book is written, given I can understand the language -- and somehow, I'm usually more drawn to English books.) I've never read anything of Maxted's before, but seeing as she was one of the few authors with my official initials, it had to be her. 

Let's start this by saying: For a chick-lit, this one is quite good. 

It's about two sisters (Hah, who would have guessed), who are so different from one another they might as well have been opposites (familiar with that personally - so it  spoke to me). The familiar unreasonable waves of anger when someone you love says something you don't want to hear, Lizbet, a scatterbrain, living-in-the-moment kind of girl, who has a life where everything always goes wrong, but a boyfriend who adores her, finds out she is pregnant, whilst both of them never wanted a child. Cassie, her 'perfect' sister, has it all: the perfect body, the perfect house, the perfect job, the perfect life, and a husband. If you read that carefully, you'll find I omitted 'perfect' before husband, for Cassie's only wish is a baby, and she is starting to hate her arrogant and EQ-dead husband. 

Apparently, I chose well. Most of Maxted's books are about young girls, exploring life, but this one's central characters are in their mid-thirties, already in a relationship, and basically sheds some light on what happens after "they lived happily ever after. The end." Because mostly this isn't all too happy an ending at all. Nor is there an ending at all in sight. 

Grenzeloos, by Kim Moelands. 

Another new genre on the list: auto-biography. Grenzeloos literally means limitless, or borderless. 

This story is very personal, for me, seeing as some of my favourite people (and cousins) in my world have the same chronic disease the author is suffering from: Cystic Fibrosis. 

After having read her first autobiographical novel, Ademloos (meaning Breathless), it took me quite some time to pick this one up. Ademloos is about how Kim loses her boyfriend, Ron, a co-CFer, to the horrible disease, after the waiting to get new lungs, the horrors of hospitalland, the trouble her inlaws gave her during and after his suffering, the mental and physical pain they both go through, the sadness of being left alone. Though beautifully written, it's depressing. Once Ron dies, Kim doesn't really care about living so much anymore herself, and seems quite willing to join him in as soon as her own body gives up. 

Then, she meets Jan, the man that makes her rethink this hope she gave up. That is the  start of  Grenzeloos. She loves anew, though she never thought that was a possibility, and realises that it doesn't betray Ron's memory either, for both loves she holds fit her big heart, and she doesn't compare, she loves both of them in their own way. 

Suddenly, she's not so keen anymore on giving up, yet her body has different ideas of that notion. She hadn't thought she would have wanted to go through a lung transplantation, but now that she has new reason to stay alive, the alarming rate her lung function drops forces her to be put on the national (and later international) transplantation waiting list. Her (social) world becomes smaller by the day, at some point restricted to her 3x2m hospital room.. Until that one releasing bit of news: There are 'new' lungs for her. 

Her optimism, specific sense of humor,  and everlasting hope make this book a real treasure to read. It's confronting, honest and funny, dragging you from one emotion into the next, your own personal emotional rollercoaster.  Her desire to live, her appreciation to still be alive, is motivating. 

 A Fire Upon the Deep, by Vernor Vinge.

Woah, new-genre-alert! A Hugo-award-winning science fiction novel, which I rarely read, has been a gift of a dear friend, a long time ago (2009 ish). It took me this long to start it (yay, thankyouchallenge), and I'm glad I finally did.

A Fire Upon the Deep is a "Space Opera" ( a sub genre of science fiction that emphasizes - romantic/melodramatic- adventure in outer space) with aliens, superhuman intelligence, space battles, love, betrayal, genocide in several places in the Milky Way. Vinge divides the book into four zones, regions where different physical constraints allow very different technological and mental possibilities. There's the Unthinking Depth (Innermost core, minimal forms of intelligence), the Slow Zone ( Old Earth is there, where humanity originated),  the Beyond  (artificial intelligence, faster-than-light travel and communication), and the Transcend (where incomprehensible superintelligent beings live). 

I can't even begin to describe what happens, for the book is well over 600 pages long, and matches G.R.R. Martin for information, though it introduces us to a whole lot less characters. It takes some time to get into it, and you'll need to not put it aside for weeks so that you forget what it's about.. Other than that, it proved quite an interesting read.

Fifty Shades of Grey, by E. L. James.

I took myself by surprise by actually reading this one, knowing what it it about.
I took myself even more by surprise when I finished it in about four days.

No. I did not like it.
But no, it's not for the obvious reason.

What annoyed me most was the lack of good writing.
If I were to ommit the times he used his "long, elegant and skillful fingers" to do this or that, the use of 'shades' ( his being "fifty shades of fucked up", the "seven shades of or her "chewing /biting on her lip" or her thinking " Holy cow/crap/fuck", we'd be down by 50 pages.

What annoyed me was that this is a copy/paste Twilight, adding some hardcore porn.

So, he's not a sparkly vampire, but a kinky sadist sex god. He's still perfect in every Goddamn way (He is gorgeous. He is good in bed. Scratch that, he is a God in bed. He is a semi-professional pianist, can pilot helicopters and gliders, is CEO of his own company and on top of that, he uses his money to FEED the starving population of the world....) just like Edward. Also, his stalker tendencies make Mr. Christian Grey whisper more or less the same to Ana Steel as Edward does to Bella, with "You should stay clear of me", following up with an "I can't seem to stay away from you". D'errr....
And then there's the whole brooding "my soul is damaged" theme going on, masked by a "look at me, I'm perfect and get what I want" attitude...
Oh, and Christian, vampire or not, wants to actually BITE Anna.

Then there's her. Her name is Anastasia (Ana, as she prefers), not Isabella (who prefers Bella) - She is mousey, average, insignificant, a klutz, prone to accidents, insecure, who doesn't understand what men see in her, though there are flocks of men (and boys)  who are apparently interested, with a barely functioning car... Oh, and she loves reading classics. So OF COURSE her story is a parallel to an actually good classic, ruined by the lack of literary skill and awful content.
She also seems to be safe from Christian "reading her (mind)". Hah.

Then there's the "ethnic" best friend who is in love with the girl. José, in Fifty Shades, Jacob in Twilight. And the heroine's father is socially awkward, left by the promiscious mother. The mother is horrible at relationships, but happy with Groom number X, living far away in some warm and sunny State.

Think I'm done massacring this book.
Though it ends unsatisfyingly, I really have to have NOTHING else to do, do I want to attempt reading books 2 and 3...

----- * ------* ------

That's 7 books so far (or 6 and a comic) -- Not bad for the first two months of the year, I'd say :D

Cheers,

Xx
The Gypsy

Self-contemplation, goals and a rant.

“The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.” 

― Fyodor Dostoyevsky,

So lately, I've been doing a lot of self-contemplation.
That means you run into yourself a lot. You learn things about yourself.
You might learn things you don't quite like, and others you're quite comfortable with.
But either way, learning about yourself only helps the 'Future You'.
20-Years-From-Now-Jess is going to be happy I had this phase in my life now, even though Present-Jess might be sitting with her hands in her hair, wondering where to go from now..

One of the things I learned about myself (and maybe humans in general), is that I am, surprisingly (to myself) a creature of habit. Be it bad or good, it's easiest to do something you always do.
Now, I'm a pretty spontaneous, flexible and adventurous person. I didn't know you could be doing something new, and yet combine it by habit, by approaching this new situation like you're used to in any other -similar- situation. It's ironic, but quite interesting.

I'd promised myself I'd pick up my hobbies again, now that I have breathing space and am not swamped by work and deadlines. And yet, I am having a hard time doing just that.
It's been a habit of not-reading, not-painting, not-exercising, not-listening-to-music for so long, I have to actively tell myself over and over again that that's what I'm going to do. And even then, I don't do it half the time.
Which lead to a new promise I made to myself: I need to stop being so harsh to/about myself.
Give myself my own breathing space.

I've been told that having a goal usually helps with the "Where do I go from here?".
Which is great. Apart from the fact that I can't think of any goals. Which is, apparently, a well-known and pretty average problem for people.
Seeing as top-atheletes and business-people and achievers in general have a "big picture", they have a long-term goal (or goals) they want to achieve.. This big goal needs to be divided into chunks, where you can make a "divide and conquer" sort of strategy, and start addressing them one by one.

"Goals are like magnets. They'll attract the things that made them come true."

- Tony Robbins

For me, sure, I've got short-term goals plenty that need addressing. Not goals I want, as much as need, to achieve. I can't, however, figure out where I want to be in 5 years, or 10 (aside from on the top of some far away mountain, or maybe diving in a beautiful ocean... or maybe a visit to the moon? -- yeah, okay, I've got the travelling itch. Literally. )
The only cliché goal I can think of, is that I want to be happy. Today. Tomorrow. 5 years from now, and 50 years from now, too. And apart from that, there's just TONS of things I know I DON'T want to be/have. Which is something, right?

There are mindtools that advise you how to think up goals and divide them, and more importantly, how to define them. Even WikiHow seems to know HOW to do this.
I'm wondering if it works. But even though I'm sceptical, I'm also hopeful.
If this is what is advised, if there are people out there it has helped.. Well, then it might have a point (or more)..
I'm hopeful for me, too. It gives me a relieved sort of feeling, that I don't have to have everything figured out already.

Xx
The Gypsy

My Challenge for 2015

Thanks to my cousin, I have a new challenge for this year.
Probably one of the first that is not an every-day-post kind of thing.
It has nothing to do with sports. (Unfortunately. My body could use a bit of movement)

This time, it's a reading challenge.
I consider myself quite the bookworm, and I'm ashamed to admit I haven't really been reading much lately. Of course, time spent on study, internship or work (or avoiding all three) have been hogging my main energy levels. Up until now. Because I need a "new" (old)  hobby.
Something other than lurking on social media and browsing randomly to waste time.
I'm also picking up painting again, but that's a different story.

For now, here's the list.
I saw it on my cousin's timeline, and couldn't resist pulling a Barney.
(ie: +gasp+  CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! )

The "official" challenge has no rules.
But when I joined this, we made a (motivational) group.
Our only rule? Max of boxes you can tick per book are 3. (I know some of my books could tick of 5 - 8 easily.) This way it stays a challenge.

The "Banned Book" is a bit of a catch, because there are no books banned by the state in the Netherlands. That was different some time ago, so we bent that 'rule' to encompass 'banned at some point in recent history'.

I wouldn't be me, if I hadn't already started. We're already on day 5 of the new year, after all.
I just finished "Dreams of Joy", by Lisa See.
An incredibly deep and moving story, on a very idealistic yet dangerous and difficult time in Red China. My eyes have been opened to another part of history I always took for granted.

Xx
The Gypsy

Building a School with a Guitar

Once upon a time, on an island far, far away, there lived a happy community.
A community that was thriving, living in a sunny and beautiful place.
People would get up, really early, and head out to the sea.
To fish. Because their main income and food relied on these fish.

But then came big fishing companies.
They drained the seas of fish.
Now the fishermen of the island barely catch enough to feed themselves, let alone have anything left to sell and live off.

This village? Tasajera. Belonging to the only country I didn't visit on my backpacking trip through Central America in 2012: El Salvador.
The population? 1,846 inhabitants.
The story? A true one, sadly.

Suzanne, a dear friend of mine, went there last summer.
She joined EMANA (Energia huMANA = Human Energy), a non-profit initiative that helps out sustainable development of the village, San Rafael Tasajera. Their focus is on educating the people of the village, so that they have a chance and survive.

Suzanne decided she was going to use her guitar.
* Music cheers people up.
* All money goes to EMANA, so they can use the money to build an actual school in Tasajera.
* She's happy because everyone's happy.

Here's how she's doing it:  (Hint: It's a vlog!)

My goal? To have this story be heard. To have this story spread.
Because I found that I couldn't sit there, hear the story, smile and do nothing.
So instead of my original "First Blogpost of the Year", which is going to have to wait, this gets that title. This is my (first) contribution to Tasajera. Perhaps more will follow. Any ideas are welcome.

In the meantime, I'm supporting Suus fullheartedly.
Great job, chica!

Xx
The Gypsy 

It is THAT time of the year!

It's suddenly that time of the year again.

That time of festive decorations everywhere.

That time in which people complain about being overweight but still eating thrice the amount of suggested kilocalories per day.

That time in which people (with jobs) get some bonus or Christmas package and still manage to spend more than they have.

That time in which people start reflecting on the past year.

That time in which people start promising themselves that THIS time they will REALLY keep their resolutions.

For me, a combination of some of the above.

For me, 2014 has been... Unexpectedly good.
And it went by way too fast. Really, I'm not kidding.

I started out this year as a very anxious person, having no clue what to expect.

* I had a thesis to finish, and wasn't looking forward to it much. I finished it with time to spare.
* I had an internship to go, which was going to be challenging mentally and physically, and I had no idea what to expect. Suddenly it was August, and a lot of Flemish people had nourished my ego all summer.
* I had to defend my thesis in August. I had been fearing that day for over a year. It went by without the slightest hint of a hitch.
* I had no idea what I was going to do after graduating. I feared this great black hole and the lack of life. Yet I found plenty to do, amongst which remain trips to guide and children camps to lead, as I look for a grownup-adult-job.

Health has been surprisingly compliant.

And... this is going to sound..spoiled and lucky at least.... But..  Aside from November, there hasn't been a single month this year that I haven't travelled abroad. Not counting Belgium.

Off the top of my head, there were some rough 10 different countries (some of which were visited repetitively) not counting the ones which I just crossed through, of which 5 I'd never been to before, and countless cities I'd never been to before either, even in previously visited countries..

Not everything has been awesome. Unfortunately, with sky highs come deep lows. It's been a challenge letting nostalgic memories go instead of clamping to the past like a Clingon. Letting go is a main theme in my life, and always has been.. It belongs with saying goodbyes every time you move homes (and/or cities and/or countries).. But the emphasis on this theme has been heavy in the recent months. Letting go mainly of friends. Because as you grow up, priorities shift and everyone has to walk their own path. Sometimes, these paths still intersect. Most of the time, however, they are (too) far apart. Usually, you end up making new friends. But my life has been quiet in that area, for the majority of people I've interacted with this year have been Flemish, and more importantly, 65+ years old. I've had little to no time or opportunity to work on/expand my own social life. So that's on the to-do list of 2015!

In 2014, I've moved, and have been traveling a lot, which makes it even more special to see lots of friends in these festive weeks of the year.

Seriously. I broke my toe, and was burned at the stake as a witch. Yet I've just had the most social and brilliant weeks of the year. :) here's to keeping that going all through next year~

Wishing you all a splendid, magnificent, gezellig, healthy and happy 2015, with new adventures and surprises!

Xx
The Gypsy

A Little Honesty - Whatsapp

Out of nowhere, my timeline suddenly got bombed with memes and jokes about Whatsapp.
Ignoring it at first, it escalated quick enough to jar my interest (long enough to write this post).

Ever since Whatsapp sold itself to Facebook, the messenger has only received more attention - unlike promised. When the news got out, everybody and their mothers gave this big shout-out that they were going to stop using Whatsapp, and switching to other messengers which have similar software. Telegram was one of those, and they did get a relatively huge amount of new users since. Yet Whatsapp also grew in numbers, so in the end, nothing changed, really.
Or did it?

So... What is all the fuss about?
Blue ticks. (aka blue check marks).
Really.

There used to be only gray ticks.
There was one, which meant that the message was sent properly.
The second one meant the message was received properly.

Now, they turn blue.
Which means the message has been viewed by the receiver.
Oh. Em. Gee!!!1!

So ... what's the big deal?
And who is making the bigger fuss? Senders or receivers?
Here're some of the memes:

Pink ticks. To ensure the explanation has come across correctly.
Yes. These pink ticks means the same as the two ticks turning blue. 

See? You become paranoid after a while. 

That's what you get for using Facebook. 

That's what you get when Facebook buys Whatsapp. 

Because, really, that's what'll happen.
The world will burn, because honesty. 

Well. Yes, that's exactly what it means. 

Whatsapp needs to get cracking, making software to read girls' minds like that. 

Again: SO WHAT?! 

Facebook has been doing this for a good long while now. 

Every time you send a message over PM, it tells you "Sent at 14:35". 

Once it has been viewed, that changes to "Seen at 19:45". 

UH-OH. Now they know you've read it and were too lazy/occuppied to answer it immediately. 

You should be shot. Or they should be shot to get you out of trouble. 

Seriously. What happened to being honest? 

So, you've read the message. You're still thinking about an answer. You're waiting for someone else's opinion before you make up your own. You're waiting for the nausea or disease to pass, or not, to make up your mind about going out. Or maybe you just don't want to answer. For any reason. 

Are you afraid to hurt other people's feelings, because you haven't deemed something worth answering? It's human nature to be dishonest. (Apart from the Dutch. They miss out on this gene big time.) But it is better to be dishonest and not hurt someone's feelings?

Not to harp and be all one-sided here... What about the sender?

How big is your ego, really, to think that a person has nothing else to do than respond to your messages immediately all day long? Even if they decide to grab a quick peek at what they've recieved, doesn't necessarily mean they have time to respond. 

Why get any sort of emotion when someone else is occupied with something else?

What's next?

Wow. That's just unnecessary. 

And hurtful.

The only way around this is turning your WiFi / 3g or 4g off. And reading all the text messages you popular dawg got at leisure. And only when you see fit to answer, do you turn the internet back on. Whilst you're offline, it cannot update that you've seen it on the other end. It will though, as soon as you get back online.  

On both ends. 

Cheers. 

Xx 

The Gypsy.