I love my job ... if I'd have one.

I love my job, I love the pay!
I love it more and more each day.
I love my boss, he is the best!
I love his boss and all the rest.

I love my office and its location,
I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray,
And piles of paper that grow each day!

I think my job is really swell,
There's nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my peers,
I love their leers, and jeers, and sneers.

I love my computer and its software;
I hug it often though it won't care.
I love each program and every file.
I'd love them more if they worked a while.

I'm happy to be here. I am. I am.
I'm the happiest slave of the Firm, I am.
I love this work, I love these chores.
I love the meetings with deadly bores.

I love my job - I'll say it again -
I even love those friendly men.
Those friendly men who've come today,
In clean white coats to take me away!

- Unknown

I measure every Grief I meet..

I measure every Grief I meet With narrow, probing, eyes –
I wonder if It weighs like Mine – Or has an Easier size.
I wonder if They bore it long –
Or did it just begin –
I could not tell the Date of Mine –
It feels so old a pain – 

I wonder if it hurts to live –
And if They have to try –
And whether –
could They choose between –
It would not be –
to die –

I note that Some –
gone patient long –
At length, renew their smile –
An imitation of a Light That has so little Oil –
I wonder if when Years have piled –
Some Thousands –
on the Harm –
That hurt them early –
such a lapse Could give them any Balm –

Or would they go on aching still Through Centuries of Nerve – Enlightened to a larger Pain –
In Contrast with the Love –
The Grieved –
are many –
I am told –
There is the various Cause –
Death –
is but one –
and comes but once –
And only nails the eyes –

There's Grief of Want –
and grief of Cold –
A sort they call "Despair" –
There's Banishment from native Eyes –
In sight of Native Air –
And though I may not guess the kind –
Correctly –
yet to me A piercing Comfort it affords In passing Calvary –
To note the fashions –
of the Cross –
And how they're mostly worn –
Still fascinated to presume That Some –
are like my own --

--- Emily Dickinson.

Up until July

Suddenly 2013 hit half a year.
On the one hand, so much happened. On the other: WHERE did you go, time?!

A rough patch health-wise.
I'm genuinely tired of people asking me if I lost weight.
Yes, I did. 10 kgs in two months, to be exact.
Although I did also gain some back the past few weeks. Woot.
And I know people only ask because they're worried and they care.
So I can appreciate it. A little.

Besides my already wretched list of bacterias and viruses, CMV and Pfeiffer (Mono) got added to those.
Which explains my ready exhaustion. All. The. Time.
My lack of productivity. My sleepiness even after long hours of sleep.
I'm less frustrated at myself now I know what's wrong, though.
That's a pro. :)

What's been happening besides health?

1. Every holiday has been well and happily spent. :)

2. I outran CF. For the third year in a row. Though I missed the CF Beach Dance. :(

3. Celebrated my birthday three times. And got incredibly spoiled.

4. The class went on a study trip to Poland (Krakow) and Czech Republic (Prague) in May. (We flew there on my birthday, to be exact). We slept in a salt mine (135 m under the ground), visited Auschwitz (heavy and intense) , slept in a train to Prague (very uncomfortable), and walked kms and kms (very exhausting), joining our classmates in the most interesting of tours (very cool). Museum, art, bridges, history... Prague is so beautiful I'm definitely putting it on the list again.

I am very happy with my own tour as well, a free (aka themeless) tour in Prague. I scored fine and I got people to laugh, as well as interested in their surroundings. I can say one thing though: I'm NEVER doing themeless again. Just give me a red thread to follow and I'll gladly fill in the blanks.
Don't give me no direction, and competition of 5 other tours in the same city which already cover all the highlights! Damn!

5. I succeeded in closing off my third year of school, no resits, and not too bad marks, for the energy and efforts I managed to put it (with my health rocking like it is). Looking back at the last two school years, I've gained so much experience and general knowledge it's crazy.

6.  Saw the (new)  King and Queen when they visited Zoetermeer.

7. Met up with a lot of friends and family in the past few weeks I hadn't seen in ages.
Which always cheers me up a lot. :)
And I visited Zeeland for the first time ever. I think I've now been in every one of the thirteen Dutch Provinces!

8. Had a Burlesque workshop.

9. Got braces. (Partly. The rest of the metal will be installed in phases. )

10. I just moved out of my room in Breda. Which I'm sad about.
I already miss those girls. And.. my own place.
Cause though my parents are dolls, there's just this slight impossibility of fitting in again once you move out.

Now, I've got two free months ahead.
Free from school, that is, because starting tomorrow, I'm going to be abroad again till the end of August (exlcuding one or two days).
Two months before the stress, drama and deadlines of the final year set it.

A volunteer guiding job in July for Simbo, then pure holidays, exploring and relaxing and chilling and.. already  looking forward to it all :)
I'll probably post an update on all of that after the fact. :)
And I'll try not to wait so long in between posts.

Xx
The Gypsy

Already the end of March

Where does that wretched time go?
I know "time flies" is an overused cliché, but seriously.
We're already done with a quarter of this year? (Also, it should be spring. Doesn't feel like it is yet, in the least.)
When did that happen?

Probably while I was trying to stick with school assignments that honestly had me bored to death.
While I was visiting places like Belgium and Leb.
While I was attending birthday parties (I've been to a remarkable number in the past three months)
While I dressed up as Miss Matched and a zombie. Because I can.
While I was being sick. Or in pain. Or both.
While I was working on getting better.
While I was catching up with all the deadlines and work I'd missed because I was sick.
While I was preparing my tour for our study trip to Poland and Czech Rep.
While I was enjoying the company of friends and loved ones.
While I was gratefully recognizing how lucky I am.

Lucky for so many reasons.
One too clear and obvious to myself (and those who know me) to point out.
Another because my housemates just rule. They're awesome. All five of them.
Because I still see my friends, still pass everything at school (with high marks), and still beat my body's weaknesses time and time again.
Because I finally got to do a tour again for school (museum, but a tour nonetheless). After all the business and financial plans and reports we've had to write, this was a very welcome change.
Because I've been asked personally to give a guided tour in Breda for guests of the International Conference (how COOL is that?). My name is even on the site (click eet). 
Another because.. Chocolate.
And sushi. And books. Movies. And ice cream.

March in particular has tested me.
Tested my patience. Tested my health. Tested my body's willingness to fight.
And sometimes, through out this month, I gave up. Temporarily.
But then I start thinking again.. About all those reasons to be grateful.
And then I think... life really isn't all that bad. :)
Not even when time flies like a maniac.

I'm happy March is almost over though.
April, here I come. :)

Xx
The Gypsy

A New Year

I caught myself clinging to 2012. 

Usually, I'm all for new years. They bring closure, and hope for health and happiness. 

It doesn't make much sense, as things like resolutions and wishing people happy new years should be done all year round, but I guess it's all psychological. 

This time around, though, I didn't want closure. Or much change. 

2012 has been good to me. I've been lucky. And most things have gone my way.

That realization makes me smile. 

I can only hope 2013 will be as good. Or better. 

I wouldn't mind that one bit :) 

I wish that to everyone else as well:

Have a blast, and a happy and healthy 2013 :) 

Xx 

The Gypsy

Busy happiness

I started rereading my old posts, and I noticed something funny.
I post less when I'm happy.
And I post less when I'm busy.
Thus: I am more happy when I'm busy.
Or.. I am busier the happier I feel.

Or they might have little to do with each other, and it's just a coincidence.

I also thought I was completely over my depression back when I started this blog.
But I sound quite blue to me.
Which means I've come such a long way.
Which makes me even happier. And proud, in one way.

----

Since the end of May, I truely only have had only two weeks of nothingness.
Two weeks of "rest", as it were. Straight after I came back.
Ever since, life has been... full. And chaotic. To say the least.

August: Toured Lebanese and Egyptian friends around the country.
Then, I travelled with my Egyptian friends to France, first.
And then Italy.

Paris wasn't new for me, but it was still cool. Some places don't lose their magic.
And it's different every time you visit, anyway.
Armed with our Metro Day Pass, we hopped all over the capital.
The Notre Dame, Tour D'Eiffel, Arc de Triomphe, Montmartre, the Sacre Coeur.

Rome was new, in the sense that I'd never been to Italy.
But I strutted around the place like I did that yearly, according to Heba.
I guess being trained to be a Tour Manager is rubbing off on me.
We saw all the highlights of Rome, for sure.
Trevi Fountain, the one of the Four Seasons, the Colosseum, the Roman Fora, Vatican City and the Museums, old Rome... We had pizza and pasta every day.

Pompeii was epic. Just being there. Seeing Vesuvius.
All the art and architecture of the place. All the poor people mummified by volcanic dust.
I'd been warned before hand about the handsomeness of men there. The only charismatic ones we met were well over sixty years old, however. All the other Italians we met, regardless of their gender, were just plain rude.

The moment they left, school started.
And since then, not a moment of mental peace.
Reports, deadlines, projects.
Hospital visits as well, sadly. Too many of them.

I attended musical workshops, and am thinking about auditioning.
If it weren't for the fact that I've never auditioned, and am thus nervous, I wouldn't have even had doubts.
I surprised mum and my siblings with a day of fun and hilarity at Baarn Studios, where we attended a show of Ik Hou Van Holland ((I love Holland)). It's going to be broadcasted the 8th of Dec, I believe.

I just came back from Leb.
And it was so familiar, even though I've never been there.
So natural. And yet.. So beautiful. So exciting.So good.
And safe. Though the attacks happened right under our noses.

12 is definitely my number.
And this year is definitely my year. :)

Life is good.
There is very little I would change about it.

Xx
The Gypsy

Home, sweet home.

Going home was what I had been looking forward to.
I seriously enjoyed my trip. To no end.
But the last week, through out our visiting through Panama, we kept gleefully reminding each other we were almost home. As if either of us needed reminding ;)
Anouk was looking forward to being reunited with her boyfriend, and I with my family, whom I hadn't seen since last September (with that exception of a week in February)..

The morning of leaving Panama City, though, I felt queasy. It had started with heartburn the evening before, and ended in a fever by the end of the morning. I kept telling myself to put one foot before the other, so I managed to somehow land myself in my seat in the plane. Off to Cuba!
Now, I was quite frustrated with this. The plan had been to go into Habana Vieja, then visit Grisel again. I couldn't even imagine surviving the plane ride. I kept zoning in and out of dozes, where I heard everything but couldn't actively DO anything.

At José Martí airport, though, I was conscious enough to walk out of customs, get the bags and call Grisel. She was at home, and answered us with her "I've been waiting for you all day!", so familiar it made me smile.  Then, we decided to head there first, and Anouk would go into Habana Vieja the next day if I was too sick to join. Regardless of the fever, the lack of appetite (I even refused her delicious ice cream!), and the general exhaustion, I managed to pretend to be social, and we even played a game of Cuban dominoes :)

I felt slightly better the next morning, and after a cold shower to take down the fever, I actually felt fit enough to accompany Anouk downtown. I really wanted to, not only to get the final souvenirs, but to complete the cycle we had started so many weeks ago.
And that's exactly what it was. It was awesome to be back. Everything looked and felt so familiar.
And we ended up being driven by the same cab driver the entire time, from the airport to Grisel, from her place to Habana Vieja and from there back to the airport.

I've been home two weeks now. The first day I spent in hospital, with an IV in my arm. A warm welcome home :P Now, I'm recovered in so far that fever is gone, and I don't feel "sick".
I am chronically tired, but never sleepy. I think it's a combination of jetlag, Ramadan, having been sick, as well as getting used to having my (rowdy) siblings around again, being bored randomly, which turned it into insomnia with a queasy edge. Next week it's doctor/hospital visits again, but otherwise: I'm super excited it's August! It's going to be an epic month! :D

Xx
The Gypsy