National Parks of the United States of America

A country bigger than Europe, with States which are, on average, the size of Spain or Germany – with people who ask “How are ya?” but are not usually genuinely interested in the answer – where there are ridiculous heat waves in May, and snow in September – where food can be horribly unhealthy but in some places, surprisingly, very healthy, if you know where to look ((But horribly expensive either way unless it’s processed meat, a simple yoghurt costing around 5$ , a bar of chocolate 4$ , a coffee 4,5$, but a hotdog not even 1$.. ))—Where they have such horrible salaries they live off of tips that seem absurd to tourists and get indignant when said tourists don’t understand this – with ENDLESSLY beautiful nature : The United States of America.

I was there. I was there whilst dear Obama is still president (Thank God, the choice the country’s poor citizens have to make soon is an awful one), with the BEST local driver and guide I can imagine. The three of us were a proper team, though I felt useless half the time because they were so efficient. Britta, the guide, was a multi-lingual multi-functional multi-tasker  (quick, smart, friendly, albeit a bit bossy) who made my own efforts seem like child’s play, and Erin, our driver, was so damn flexible, friendly and funny (Triple F!) I was sending up grateful prayers at the end of every day.

Endlessly gorgeous, the 6 States we visited.  I couldn’t describe it in any other way. We have breathtaking views in Europe, mountains and lakes and cliffs in Switzerland, Croatia, or Italy.. But (West/Central) Europe is more “crowded”. A lot more to fit a far tinier space. A lot more houses, animals, roads, cars, but mainly, a lot more people. The States kept awing me with this feeling I couldn’t shake: Like I was at the end of the earth. That place you’re all alone, left to your own devices, the voices in your own head, and if you were to die, well, people would have to look really hard to find you.

It was for work, but I learned and saw so many new things that I really didn't feel like it was just work, if that makes any sense. 

We (Erin!) drove some 6000 km. I couldn't get bored though, because the views kept changing.
"Americans think 100 years is a long time. Europeans think 100 miles is a long distance."
Yep, that sounds about right. It was tiring but incredible. 

Here’s an impression, because words just fail to cover it. 

1. Yes, there are a lot of selfies. I can't help it, it's my nature. If I want pictures without me on them, I'll google the place. 

2. Yes, a lot of them are taken diagonally. To make it fit, more often than not. It's my photography style. 

3. Yes, there are a great many pictures. Take your time. ;) 

On the way there, you timetravel to your advantage.
After 14 hours, it's still the same day, only a few hours later. 

One of the first stops: Molly Brown's house.
And for those who don't know, she's Titanic's Rose. The real one. 

Denver State Capitol, inside and out. 

Quite impressive. We also had the loveliest of volunteer guides. 

Yup, already turning local. It fitted in with my hair!

Things are expensive in the States though, so after the picture I promptly returned the hat. 

National Park number one: The Rocky Mountains. 

First signs of wildlife were pretty cute. 

And tame. Though it says "no feeding", people still did so. 

And these little buggers knew it. 

Meet the local guide Britta (right) and our driver Erin (left).
Our first (of many)  dinner together.
They were both so scared of messing up their clothes I got paranoid and joined them with the napkins. It was funny anyway. 

See, it's views like these, endless, forever stretching, that made the trip to what it was. 

State border time - Welcome to Utah. 

Dead Horse State Point. 

One of the prettiest nature scenes. 

Arches National Park. Damn, that is one impressive place. 

The wind, the main reason for why the place looks like it does, is also the main reason of it's destruction. Isn't that ironic?

Tough climb, but got there in the end.
That's the delicate arch, right there, top centre of the picture. 

Nobody knows how long it will still be there, but it's the "mascotte" of the park. 

Driving again. 

Murals of native Americans on the walls on the way. 

There's a wolf, in the middle. Or a bear? 

Yay, visiting Salt Lake city was a highlight of this trip, my own town (literally translated to English) being Sweet Lake City. 

We also visited the Capitol Building in Salt Lake City. 

More impressive than the one in Denver, if you ask me. 

Having just seen the musical Wicked a few weeks before this, stumbling into this book in a random bookshop was like +SQUEAL!+ 

Oh, and I met up with dear friends (from Egypt) in Utah I hadn't seen for years. 

My group had free time they used to eat in one of the most fancy places out there. 

We had good times. 

Another State. Yay. 

You have to make your job fun for yourself, don't you?

Hello Montana! 

And hello, Yellowstone! National Park number.. 4?

We spent more than one day here, and still didn't see everything. 

This park has to be one of my favourites, despite the smell of sulphur (rotten eggs) in the air. 

The place has thousands of thermal springs and hundreds of geysers.

This is the Old Faithful, the most famous of geysers.
It's called that because of the reliability of its eruption times. :) 

Theodore Roosevelt Arch - one of the entrances /exits to the park.

This is why there are stereotypes of Americans out there.
Because of these people.
" Quick honey, take my picture, I'm holding the pyramid in my hand."

The youngest people in my group. (And the funniest) 

Lots of Nature violence. But oh so pretty. 

Elk, just across the street. 

And Bison grazing happily with their calves. 

Trails at your own risk. 

That darn wood beetle. 

And forest fires. 

Is that actual snow?
Yes, yes it is. 

Those colours! Where is my paintbrush when I need it!

Yes, Bisons were THAT close to the bus at times. 

And though they look peaceful, those suckers can run fast.
Especially when you're holding a selfie stick. 

They'll run and gut you. 

Your own fault for not asking permission first. 

Entirely different views, still same Yellowstone Park. 

Porcelain Springs, all milky and.. gorgeous. 

I'll save up for this. 

Or the Game of Thrones version I saw in Croatia. 

Some day. 

Yes yes yes! We did (because of all our positive energy and wishful thinking) actually see a grizzly bear! Two of them, a mum and her cub! Just as we were driving out of the park, too.  And it was awesome!

 

Hello Wyoming!

At some point we had to leave Yellowstone behind and head to Cody (we could've stayed there forever and I wouldn't have been bored). Cody had a very interesting museum (Buffalo Bill). 

Five museums under one roof, one of which was about the nature (and animals) of the park ( I sat down at this Be Safe Around Bears presentation, where they gave you tips and tricks of what to do when you run into a bear). It had a museum about the Natives, a museum on Western Arts, one about Buffalo Bill himself and his life, and another on Firearms (that's probably the only one I wasn't interested in). 

When I came into my room, I stumbled onto this brilliant piece of Marketing. 

We had a "Chuck wagon dinner" in Cody (all you can eat, they even made me two veggie burgers *.*) with this live music and Cowboy atmosphere. 

'twas coo'. 

Bighorn National Forest (number 5?) was wet. But cool. 

On the road again. 

In Sheridan, we went to the King's Saddlery (where they make artful .. everything?.. from leather) 

In memory of strong native american women. 

And we visited the oldest inn in town. (They made a great veggie wrap) 

Some clients were just like paparazzi.

 

You can't visit the States and not go to Starbucks. (Which, to be fair, is like, the best coffee they have at all, so you might as well.) 

Devil's Tower (they applied for a name change, because it's not a negative place for natives, but whoever had a say decided that would hurt tourism) had one of the most fascinating legends describing it. 

There was a group of native American kids playing, when a bear surprised them.
They ran, and of course the bear chased them. 

They ran up a hill, and pleaded with Mother Earth to help them. 

Mother Earth responded by pushing herself up. 

The bear tried clawing its way up, still trying to get to the children. 

The children survived and lived happily ever after. The bear moved on and did the same.

You can still see the bear's scratch marks in the earth. 

Welcome to Wyoming. 

I made a mood board in the visitor centre. 

Crazy Horse memorial - One of the men who worked at Mount Rushmore (Korczak Ziolkowski) was asked by a Lakota Elder, Henry Standing Bear, to make the biggest sculpture in granite stone in the Black hills to date. It should depict Crazy Horse, who took up arms against the US federal Gov. to fight against the encroachments of territories and way of life of the Lakota people. The statue (when finished) is pointing in the distance, symbolizing his saying "My lands are where my dead lie buried."

And seeing as it's a non-profit but anti-governmental organization, every donation helps.
You could even "buy"a piece of rock there. (I picked a really small rock, because of... well, airline regulations about weight, really.) 

Their plan is to have it finished (roughly) in 25 years. We'll see. I'd want to go there when it's ready. 

Mount Rushmore with the group. 

The highlight for one person in the group.
She actually only picked this trip because we were visiting these faces carved in stone..  

Welcome to national park number.. I lost count.. 

This was such a wonderfully cute ranger!
She was so bubbly and funny - 

Badlands definitely ranges in my top three National Parks! (Along with Arches and Yellowstone)

Because - well - this. 

And this.

A member of the group actually saw a rattle snake.
But it was more scared of us then we of them. 

Welcome to South Dakota. 

And Fort Laramie, a 19th century trading post. 

Where there were people dressed up for some photoshoot that gave us the impression we were really in the 19th century for a bit.

They used to sell things like bison fur. They even had the prices of back then. 

Cool open air museum, all in all. 

Welcome to Colorado! 

On our way back to Denver, we passed the Anheuser Busch Brewery. 

If it hadn't been for Britta's (We could have a small tour here) and Erin's ready "Okay, sure, no problem" we wouldn't have stopped there at all. 

We did though. And though it stank (I really dislike alcohol..) it was still interesting and unique.

Last evening, the group went to bed early.. 

Erin picked me up in her car and gave me a private Denver by night tour. 

I couldn't have been more grateful. 

Almost back in Belgium.

The first setback of the entire trip was when we got to Belgium. 

Something about a strike the day before, and the luggage racks being full with yesterday's things. 

And thus today's luggage couldn't be transported. And and and.. welcome back to Belgium.. /idiots.

We saw a lot more than our itinerary promised us, because of the readiness and flexibility and great ideas of both local guide and driver, who made my job a serious lot easier for me. 

Also, I lost weight x’D Who knew you could in the States, of all places.
I bet it was all the kale salads for lunch :)

Xx 

The Gypsy

To share, or not to share, that is the question: Depression.

Alright. I’ve been gone for a long time.  I know.  Inspiration and being busy vs writer’s block in when you having nothing else to do, similar to the never- ending dilemma: Either having time or money, never both at the same time.

It’s fine though. For once, I don’t feel guilty about having stayed away for so long. I don’t want to feel obliged to write something just for the sake of it. I want to write because I feel like doing so.
That’s how I want to spend the rest of my life, ideally. Doing what I want.
Not egoistically, not minding those around me and being a downright bother.
I just don’t want to spend a lot of time doing things because I feel I HAVE to.

After having completed last year’s reading challenge, I just did not feel like sharing anything.
I did a great many things, though. Some worth talking about, some not so much.

I’d been doubting about sharing one major thing: More than a year ago now, I was diagnosed with chronic and severe depression. It’s not as scary as it sounds, though. I am still me. I’ve been depressed (off and on, most likely) ever since 2008. It sneaks up on me, and I always think I’m just having a “bad phase”, and “it will go away on its own”, as a year or more passes.  I kept this to myself for a long time, and only true friends would see shadows of what was haunting me. I thought, like a lot of people do, that it is a normal and good thing to be a happy human being all the time. Being sad all the time is just a downright taboo, and a waste of a good life. Wanting to die, despite being physically healthy, when there are literally thousands of people dying daily in wars and because of diseases who would not if they had a choice. Being sad, even when the sun shines.

One of the major downsides of depression is that it is an invisible – yet horrible and destructive – disease.  People who have never have experienced it, make the mistake of meaning well but ending up saying totally wrong things:  “Oh, cheer up, I am sad sometimes too, things will get better”, or “Of course you’re tired if you’re in bed all day. Just get up and you’ll be energetic in no time”, or “How can you be sad all the time, just try being more optimistic!”,  “You seem fine though, whenever we meet up, aren’t you exaggerating a little bit?”. 

Edit: "Everyone is depressed nowadays." is another one.

Being depressed isn’t about feeling “sad” sometimes, and yes, some days are easier than others, but most of the time, there is a huge black weight on your lungs, shoulders, heart, legs. Yes, the term gets abused. No, it's not something to treat lightly. It's something upsetting when getting up in the morning is the biggest struggle of the day, trying to stay out of bed the rest of the day even more so.

Your own thoughts turn into your biggest enemy when you are depressed. They are capable of making you feel the entire range of emotions, but they have a paralyzing effect when those negative emotions become part of your habit, your daily existence. Every bad thought gets multiplied, enlarged, echoed. A friend canceling an appointment will turn into “I have no one who cares about me”, losing a wallet is “I have the worst luck in the world,” or if you make a mistake you can become your own worst critic “being the most stupid shit that has lived on the surface of this planet”.  It’s nothing anybody does or says. On good days, compliments manage to have a small impact, a smile, a small flame of pride. But it’s the negative commentary that lingers, gets enlarged in your head, and your own thoughts rub it in “See? I told you you were a failure.”

You can’t tell people “I want to die”. Not when you really mean it. At that point, you’re not looking for any attention. You are not seeking any help. You really are sincerely and genuinely done with life. Before that, it’s a plea, hoping that if you say it aloud, people will help cheering you up, motivating you to hold on. At some point, you realize: People don’t motivate you at all. If you can’t motivate yourself, it really is over. It all looks so dark, and feels so hopeless and gloomy, and there is this nagging voice at the back of your head, telling you things are never going to get better.

In the end, you do one of three things: 

1. You battle on, silently. Nobody can help you. So why bother getting help? This is how life is. Life sucks, is unfair. You might or might not end up growing old.
2. You seek help. You reach out to family, friends, professionals. Whoever is willing, whatever helps. You get better.
3. You give in. End your life. Most of the time, successfully. Unsuccessfully, you try again, or go back to options 1 or 2.

I sought help. In all forms.

I wanted to type “like I said, it’s not as bad as it sounds, all summed up here harshly”, but that is the old me, belittling the entire disease.  It is exactly that: Bad, and harsh. It has been a horrible fight, and a hard one. It still is. There are still days all I want to do is curl up in bed and just wait it out.  Sleep. Ignore life.

But I’m doing alright. Better than I was.

My psychologist once made the comparison with what you would do if you were invited to dance – or rollerblade—with a broken leg. The smart thing would be to put that leg up, pop a painkiller, and apologize but you’d rather do something fun that wouldn’t impede the healing process (or cause you more pain). Therefore, you should be just as patient with a mental disease. Give it time to heal and help the process in any way you can. There’s no point in being frustrated because you’ve had another unproductive day, or being angry that you can’t enjoy things anymore, or sad that you’re tired all the time: those negative critical thoughts are what got you here in the first place, and they will continue draining you of your energy.

Also, fun fact: You don’t actually want to die. Really. All you want is the suffering and pain to end.  Dying is, in fact, just a means to the end. Not the only means, even though that’s what it feels like. If the feeling of hopelessness and eternal pain wasn’t there, or the feeling that everyone is better off without you, you wouldn’t even think of dying.

Like I said when I started: I am still me. In fact, I think I am better off after seeking help, and getting out of that denial. A dear friend of mine told me, once I came out of that “dark closet”, that depression is worse than, say, Alzheimer’s. Alzheimer’s is a disease that attacks from the outside, changing your body, and you realize you’re losing yourself to it and your brain becomes cheese with holes in it and it’s horrible. Depression blooms and parasites from within. It fools you into thinking it is your own personality, your own thoughts, that make you this pessimistic and vile nuisance to the world. It becomes part of you, and instead of attacking your memories physically, attacks and colours them in a way that changes the way you look at life in general. It is a figurative poison that seeps in silently, unnoticed, and by the time it’s obvious that you really need help, it is in a stage beyond recognition.   This thought helped me a great deal, and pulled me through the worst of it. “It’s not me, it’s a disease” became a mantra.

I have a strength that is my pitfall: I think. A lot. And when I start over-thinking, I can get anxious, caught in net of my own worries, entangled in nightmares that haven’t happened (and will not happen, most of the time), paralyzed.  I know this now, and awareness is the first step. I don’t want to die anymore. Not now, anyway. I’m not there yet. And I know, now, that I’m in this battle for life. Maybe it’s similar to being an alcoholic, even if you never drink another drop in your life.  The moment I will let my guard down, that black monster of a weight will rear its ugly head and deposit itself on and in me all over.

But I’ve met great people, visited awesome places, and even sometimes, lately, caught myself truly enjoying something, if only momentarily. Today, I’m grateful for it all. I hope I’ll always have the energy to remember this thought, even in the worst of days: “It really isn’t endless. Nothing is.”

Xx

The Gypsy

PS: A good video about depression, something to make it more visual -
I Have A Black Dog Called Depression. 

Happy Birthday - Step 3

Assignment:
Write a story (in whatever language you want) with the following words:

- mp3 player /                mp3 speler
- secret phone call /     geheim telefoontje
- appointment in zoo/  afspraak in dierentuin
- Tim and Pip/              Tim en Pip

Theme: Thriller/ adventure/ spanning.

Mail this story to TheRebelliousGypsy@gmail.com for your next step.

Xx
The Gypsy

Dare to Dream - 2016

It's not /the/ way to have a perfect year.
A bucket list, I mean, or New Year Intentions.
It can actually be quite demotivating, especially when (around the third -blue- Monday of the year) you discover that you are going to be sponsoring your nearest gym, instead of paying for a membership  you're actually going to make use of.

Then again, finishing last year's Reading Challenge fit in quite well in the "I'm proud of myself, because..." list. It's one of the few things I did have control over, and finishing it succesfully (though very much near the deadline) sorta gave me motivation to start a new challenge for this year.

It'll be easier than last year's, but harder.
More interesting yet challenging.
More of a to -do list, but I'll have to think about it.
And though set up in a way, it'll have to be spontaneous and inspirational, too.

What's that challenge?

Here you go, my to-do Bucket List thing of 2016:

- Explore 12 places I've never been. (And a minimum of 1 'new' country).
(Places can be towns, cities or otherwise. Wherever. As long as they're new. To me.)

- Do 12 things I have never done before.
(Like Rollerblade disco in 2015, or eating marshmellows on a volcano in 2012, or surfing, skiing, climbing mount Everest, going to Mud Masters or trying Free Running or Slacklining. A new hobby, a new sport, a new language, a new instrument.)

- Read 12 new books.
(Again, new to me. After this Reading Challenge of 2015, this should be a piece of pie.)

- Make/Create 12 pieces of art.
(Painting, colouring, crafting... Any art.)

- Learn something new.
(Sailing, for instance. Or a new language. Some skill. But again, doesn't matter, as long as I learn how to do it properly - on amateur level. I'm neither ambitious nor foolish enough to want to become professional at something new within a year. Else I'll be cheating for sure.)

There's also some goals as far as health and fitness are concerned, but I don't have those in SMART goals. It just needs to become better. I need to consistently work at my health.
And make my body and mind a priority. More than it has been so far, anyway.

And why are my goals in 12-es? Obviously, a consistency of "once a month" without limiting (or pressuring) myself to actually get something ticked off every month.

This list may expand, for whatever reason, as I see fit. Any suggestions or ideas are welcome. 

Cheers, let's make this year a good one! 

Xx
The Gypsy

Reading Challenge: Completed.

Barely - but succesfully, I am proud to announce my mission as accomplished.

When my life took a turn for the worse (or rather plummeted into an abyss), I promised myself one thing. I had no control over whether I was going to find what I was looking for. I had no control over if I was going to be accepted at any job. I had no influence in the amount of friends lost (or gained). I (temporarily) had no control over my mental health, and in so far still have no control over health in general. The body and mind remain treacherous things.

But I did promise myself I was going to finish this challenge.
And I managed to read another 17 books, even though I haven't read a word all through July, August and September.

Hence the list, and a short analysis on each, seeing as I have more to fill my time with on this last day of the year.

Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen. 
First half took weeks, second half two days. A classic I'd never read yet.
I'm glad I did, it's your classic love story from 1813.
Very Austen. Things happen for convenience, a misunderstanding ensues, everyone's haughty, then someone finds out the truth, and they live happily ever after.

Paula Spencer, by Roddy Doyle.

I didn't even have a box for this one, yet glad I read it.
A sequel to The Woman Who Walked Into Doors, which I'd read earlier this year.It picks up 10 years after her husband dies. A battered woman, an alcoholic, trying to get through the day, trying to make sense of life. 

Toen Ik Je Zag, (When I Saw You) by Isa Hoes. 

It was absolutely beautiful, at times witty, at other times touching.
I expected it to be a lot more depressing than it was. It is a true story told by a famous Dutch actress, of how she met (and eventually lost) her famous Dutch actor husband. It's weird to read about it from her side. Antonie and I used to speak on twitter. Apparently, he used social media as one of those "escapes" from the empty feeling from gaping life (or lack of it) and the pressure of accomplishments. 

Zo ik iets ben.. Ben ik een Hagenaar, Louis Couperus. (If I'm anything, I'm a Hagenaar - ie. from The Hague)  

If I had to point out a hometown for myself at all, it will be Den Haag. It's where I was born, and it's where I have felt most at home during the past years, even though I haven't lived there since I was 2. If I ever end up buying a house anywhere, it'll probably be there. 

De Vrouw In De Spiegel, (The Woman in the Mirror) van Kim Moelands. 

First fiction of hers I've ever read. It was okay. Not super impressed.

It was easy to read, a thriller, and a book that came out this year.

There's the suspense, and several stories parallel one another that brush along and touch at intervals. I haven't read this many Dutch books in one year, either, ever since I was a kid. 

Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown. 

Unfortunately a rereading, because my mother isn't impressed by books, if she takes time to read something at all. So a book your mum "loves" is also an overstatement. 

I still like it, though. I'm not going to bore you with an analysis.
If you haven't read it yet, go read it, or just be ashamed of yourself forever. 

The Kabul Beauty School, Debbie Rodriguez. 

Strong story, of a strong lady, who "just" rescues hundreds of Afghan girls and helps them with a future. Her writing style is not the best, but whatever. I do have respect for the woman.
I hope some day I can write or tell a story like this.
A story of how I impacted lives. How I changed the course of someone's future.
In a positive, hopeful way. 

De Olijke Tweeling Krijgt Schaatsen, A.M.Peters. 

Youth Sentiment. Took me an hour, whilst waiting for my doctor's appointment. 

1984, George Orwell. 

Took me a while to get through, mainly because of traveling. I do understand why it's a must-read classic. A dystopian novel with things that strike true. Yet it ended so.. horribly. 

And I do get why it was banned in the Soviet Union. /censorship. 

The Maze Runner, James Dashner. 

I thought, I'll start a trilogy that's hot and happening. And because the second movie was coming out this year. But I wasn't really hooked. Both by the writing style as the story. And then I found out there are 4 books, not 3. And then I dropped it, for now. After finishing that one, obviously.

I didn't even get to tick a box. 

De Cock en het Lijk in de Kerstnacht, Appie Baantjer.
(The Cock - it's his name and not weird in Dutch-  and the body on Christmas Eve).

Mystery detective things, as far as setting goes, it was definitely Christmas.
I used to watch the series when I was younger. I liked it better than this book. 

Extremely Loud, and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Saffran Foer. 

Not bad, for a book written by "someone under 30".  My head works a bit like the boy's in the book.

Oh, right. I wasn't expecting it to be all about the event that shook the States (9/11), at all.

Even though I'm not autistic. It took me a while to figure out he was only 9.

I wasn't half that clever than. (Though probably talked just as much. Maybe more)

It doesn't obnoxiously push it in your face all the time, though.

I still don't know what I was doing on that day at that time, except for grieving for my grandmother.

I don't want to imagine losing someone in that big a drama. By terrorism or nature.

Macbeth, William Shakespeare

Read and finished today. To tick off a play. 

"Double, double, toil and trouble,

Fire burn and cauldron bubble...

... Something wicked this way comes". 

It's one of my favourite plays. Not only because I'm not born of woman in the Shakespearean sense of the word (C-sections and all that), or that Harry Potter literally quotes the witches around their cauldron.  There's something to be said for the ambitious, but also for those that take signs and prophecies to heart so much it leads to their own destruction.

Nice Work, David Lodge. 

This was always one of my favourite writers. I can't help it. At heart I'll stay a student of English Literature forever. I'd never read this one, and I do agree with the title. It's a nice work of Lodge's indeed. Two lives, which have nothing to do with one another, one shielded in academic life, a feminist Women's Studies lecturer at a fictive town called Rummidge, and a factory Directing Manager. I felt happy and almost intelligent as I recognized a lot of the references to (English) literature. It might be time to refresh and revive this part of my life. Get some cobwebs off dusted off. (As soon as I pick up my Spanish).  

Tales from the Magic Rocking Horse. 

Youth Sentiment, once again.
I still love horses.
I do wonder though, how this used to be a book to read for weeks on end.
I guess small chores look a lot bigger as a child, maybe books have the same effect.
And time is a funny thing. 

The Lies of Locke Lamora, Scott Lynch. 

This is the book that did it for me. The one I lost my heart to. My personal favourite of the entire year. This one had me completely hooked (after the first 100 odd pages of getting into the story) - I came out completely disoriented every time I put the book away and got back into reality.

His world became my own, as did his friends. His wit charmed me, even though he duped hundreds of people. He was likeable in his crimes, ameable in his thievery, and just stole my heart. 

Locke is an orphan, dodges death and slavery and ends up fending for himself. It's partly his genius, for he is a very clever boy, but mostly it's luck, that he falls into a group of light-fingered con artists calling themselves the "Gentleman Bastards".  As he grows up, he finds himself in sticky situations. The stickier they are, the more brilliant he becomes. For fiction, it doesn't read as such, I almost started believing the alchemists and their magic could be a real thing. 

Red Seas Under Red Skies, Scott Lynch. 

The second part of Lynch's Gentleman Bastards series. I thought it was a trilogy, but there are 7 primary works out and two spin offs, so I have got a lot of reading to do for next year as well.  It is satisfying, but a bit more predictable than the first one (maybe I'm getting used to his style, maybe this book is just more "meh" than the first). 

It might be the fact that their numbers are considerably smaller than in the first book, hence the "humor" and vulgarity which lighten the mood of the book (Like Tyrion's wit improves the quality of the Game of Thrones ever so much, I fear the day that dwarf dies) is limited to a two-way badgering of two best friends, with their own little quarrels and jealousies on top of everlasting brotherhood and friendship.  That said, I liked the pirate theme of this book, and as I'm starting to get into the world of sailing myself, this has added even more personal joys.

On to next year's challenge?
I'll type that out next year. (Ie. tomorrow, or soon.)

All the best to all of yeh in 2016, don't die, don't swallow fireworks, hope you'll have a better year than this one was, whether it sucked or not. 

Cheers, 

Xx 

The Gypsy

Loving yourself

A wise man once told me: "The only person you KNOW you'll grow old with is yourself."

But learning to love yourself is easier said then done, especially if it's either not in your nature, or you've completely killed that functionality during the years.

When I was 16, I learned self-criticism, when constructive, is helpful to grow and develop.
I'm an extremist in most ways, and this I took this on so passionately I forgot to be constructive.
Suddenly, nothing I did was good enough. I never liked the way I looked, talked, or thought anymore.

Thus: I am on a new mission. I want to love myself. Irrevocably, endlessly, bottomlessly, to the moon Pluto and back.

I like myself. I really do. There was a point (this year even) when I didn't. But I won it back. I like myself more each day.
Yet I am too harsh, too critical, too insecure.
I'm also ill (subject for a different day), which needs it's own care, time and healing process.
But this new mission will help. I know it will.

I did some research.
I stumbled on so many "do-it-yourself" love yourself tips and tricks, mostly written by people to whom it comes naturally, or have taught themselves to be pro's. I have yet to find a piece by anybody just starting this challenge (which would be my 2016 challenge, if it weren't for the simple fact I want to start today. Now. Yesterday, if I could.)

The most helpful (and contextually challenging) is these three steps.
The most motivational piece full of (almost) SMART goals was the 10 Ways to Practice Self-Love.
There are 30 ways to learn to love yourself and be happy with the world, but it really boils down to just listening to who you are, what you want, and doing it.

Things will not be perfect, so stop aiming for change. Stop punishing yourself for actions or thoughts that happened. Stop being more critical towards yourself and judge yourself like you would your best friend, or your (inner) child. Would you be as harsh, then?
Also, acting on what you need, rather than on what you think you want.
Nourish yourself: Eat well (healthy, mainly), sleep enough, exercise (*cough*), set your boundaries (get to know them, first), be intimate, get social (friends are sacred), spoil yourself every now and then (massages, movie, warm bath, nice cup of tea. Think simple.).

Last (but not least): for comic relief (in Dutch though, sorry for those who won't understand it)

I've been attempting this mindfulness that is all the rage. It might be working. A little.
Might be ranting all about that next time.
Spoiler tip: Don't do the exercise with the raisin. Just. Don't.

Love (to myself, and you),
Xx
The Gypsy