Way of a time to discover something new.

" Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon."
...
"There are days when solitude is a heady wine that intoxicates you with freedom, others when it is a bitter tonic, and still others when it is a poison that makes you beat your head against the wall. "

I have just been reading through my sister's blog.. And I hate to say this.. And I bet she will too, if she ever reads this.. But.. Dang.. That girl is almost as messed up as I am..
Certainly depressed. Self-bashing through out, even though she knows herself it's not being realistic, it's being plain mean. Compulsively obsessive, sadly another flaw we share.

It's true I haven't been obsessed about anything or anyone in weeks, but I've been utterly and completely bored to death through it all. I have no one to talk to, and even if I do I can't talk anymore, it's like I'm rusty.. I have plenty to do, yet it's all mandatory, and thus I do nothing. With plenty I mean reading and researching for college, as well as cleaning up that stable of a room of mine. I have some books I /want/ to read, as well, but of course I can't let myself do that if I don't want to drive myself nuts with guilt about not doing what I'm supposed to do... Which I'm doing now anyways lingering purposelessly online without chatting or even having fun.

Damn. I'm messed up big time. Or should I say we?

And I know mum is depressed. And I know I'd like to blame Egypt and my father for all this but.. we must be doing something wrong.. Dealing with crap the wrong way, or something? I can't think of another solution. It can be genetic? But then.. Gosh, I don't know.. I don't know..

I need my friends. I miss them so much it's physically hurting..

xxx
The Gypsy.